Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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