He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
