I just threw up on my dentist
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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