How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
