I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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