I looked at my own cervix.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
