ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
