I think my fart just growled at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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