We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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