Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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