Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you still have your period?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
