Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
