Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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