dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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