Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
