get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no you cant smoke seaweed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
