I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
