i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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