I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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