I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have fence marks all over my body
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
