She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
