She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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