He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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