i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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