Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
