Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
