woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
