he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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