dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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