Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
