I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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