He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
