Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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