At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
