it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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