Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
