I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
