Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
