I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
