the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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