I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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