Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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