Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
