I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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