Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
