I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
