yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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