her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
