He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
