mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
