I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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